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A strange sort of weekend all round we went to a BBQ last night and a fine time was had all round the youngest has disappeared to York races with his girlfriend and has now not been seen for 48 hours perhaps we should inform the police. In sport according to “ the man in the pub” the scallys have all been drawing lots to see who will be first to rob Joe Coles house during away games and speculating on the possibly high retail value of all his stuff.
On the news an ofstead report has suggested that sex education in schools is of a poor standard (highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe etc) but surley the reverse must be true the little sods appear to know far too much especially the Jeremy Kyle class, apparently in on school the teachers said they no loads of stuff about “doing it” oral and everything what we actually need is a way of stopping em and just handing jonnies out isn’t helping at all !
Last week Nick Griffin has been refused entry to the queens bunfight at buck house after initially getting invited probably by Prince Philip, Nick is said to be shocked and upset as he was particularly looking forward to swapping amusing stories with Phil about brown people, a man who is said to have been an inspiration to him as he entered politics, he was especially looking forward to hearing the one about the electric box and the Indian, what brought about the change of heart and the withdrawl of the invitation is unclear but I bet it was along the lines of "YOU INVITED WHO?"
Meanwhile our leader lord snooty has covered himself in glory again declaring Britain to be the junior partner in the north Atlantic bowing to the Americans " just as we were at Dunkirk in 1940"
This man went to Eton for gods, sake didnt he take history the bloody yanks didnt join in untill almost two years later what the hell did he do at school all day? presumably it was all Billy Bunter style japes punctuated with a light sprinkling of buggery.
anyway rant over for the night..... seeyawl
Sunday 25 July 2010
Not been on for a while so I thought Id have a good old moan about the state of the place , life goes on much as before work still grinds me down although we have just had a few weeks hol in Greece , Sad really the place is about dead the prices are eye watering because of huge tax hikes and its hitting the biggest revenue earner they have (tourism) very hard wages are all down, there is next to no seasonal employment and the ex pats who live there cant sell up and come home as the property prices are down (if they are to be believed) around 50% meanwhile at home, Our Leader "Lord Snooty" Cameron has joined in with a load of American senators today, (at least the ones that can spell and dress themselves) in an unprovoked attack on Scotland for releasing the "terminally ill" Lockerbie bomber now is it just me or is this slightly hypocritical as the man who ordered and paid for this particular outrage (Gaddafi) is at present welcomed with open arms on both sides of the Atlantic and drooled over as he signs various trade agreements, the Americans at the same time seem intent on blaming BP for just about everything so Cameron was sitting there with that not so convincing sincere grin issuing denial after denial "no BP didnt want him released in exchange for drilling rights, no BP are not responsible for Jennifer Aniston not being able to find a boyfriend or Ben Afflecks Horrendous acting neither did they genetically engineer Simon Cowell or indeed have anything to do with the rise of Justin Bieber Scotland on the other hand,,,,,,,,,,,well there's no Tory votes there so sod em
And while I'm Rambling/grumbling what’s with the new tax law simplification, is this so its harder for folk to avoid paying it or easier for George Osbourne to understand it he was on TV trying to explain it all with that toilet door expression of his (Vacant) and he only seemed to have a tenuous grip on it himself, he says the old system became too "opaque" under labour but surely that’s the point, if people can actually see him helping himself to everything in their wallets until the are pissing lemon juice he'll find himself moved to ag and fish in short order !
And while I'm Rambling/grumbling what’s with the new tax law simplification, is this so its harder for folk to avoid paying it or easier for George Osbourne to understand it he was on TV trying to explain it all with that toilet door expression of his (Vacant) and he only seemed to have a tenuous grip on it himself, he says the old system became too "opaque" under labour but surely that’s the point, if people can actually see him helping himself to everything in their wallets until the are pissing lemon juice he'll find himself moved to ag and fish in short order !
Monday 17 May 2010
Here I am back fresh from a weekend daaan saaaarf watching the youngest play at Twickenham, the weekend for me started on Thursday with finishing work and then piling straight into the pub, and then with a pounding head off at the crack of sparrow fart to buy a new jacket, as usual all the cheapo places had sod all worth having so visa card in hand a heavy heart and a hangover I grasped the nettle and went to a “proper place “ to quote the wife. Get a new shirt and a new suit carrier while you’re at it she says, I must have looked as though I was pissing lemon juice while I was paying for it.
That over with off we set down the M1 after leaving instructions with the brain of Bramley who was setting off on the team coach later, turn everything off lock up etc,
After making good time until getting near Heathrow we ended up in the mother of all traffic jams and to pass the time started remembering all the things we had forgotten to bring, glasses etc.
We were booked into a “Lenny Henry Special” a mile or so from the stadium and to be fair the place was ok considering the price, but we decided that there was no way we could be cooped up there for the night so we rang some friends who had set off earlier and arranged to meet them in a boozer in Hounslow, Yates’s to be precise what a shit hole! still with jugs of what was laughingly described as white wine at a fiver a go it was economical so not terribly surprisingly there we stayed.
A bombshell was dropped, do you have your match tickets yet we were asked? No I was just going to pay on the gate I said, Oh don’t bother we have some spare came the reply for the royal box she added………………don’t take the piss said I, no really she said handing them over, this could get messy thought I, still ask no questions etc.
The game itself was a bit of an anti climax as we gave em far too much respect not to mention a 25 point start a finished up coming second but the occasion was truly memorable and watching from prince William’s seat was good for a laugh as well.
The day continued with much drinking etc at a pub called the cabbage patch on Twickenham high street until the evening when my self and Mrs. Dwarfe peeled off and left then to it while we wobbled back to our hotel and went on a munchies frenzy in the restaurant.
Meanwhile we seem to have a new government, I cant believe the temerity of Clegg the turncoat, and cant wait to see what happens when Cameron gets sick of having him following him around’.
Beckham meanwhile looks as if his Achilles injury will keep him out of action for a couple of months so he wont be able to resume his modeling career until August neither will he be able to watch the world cup from his now usual position of on the bench between Michael Carrick and the bloke who washes the kit.
And my favorite entertainer Robbie Gobby Williams, is claiming to have made his previous albums while under the influence of cannabis personally I find the claim laughable that anyone on marijuana could possibly come up with anything as bland and turgid as “sing when your winning” the little west midlands karaoke singing cretin is desperately trying to get his mush in the papers again to boost his waning popularity, as his army of twelve year old fans have all grown up and seen through him . will write again soon……
DD
That over with off we set down the M1 after leaving instructions with the brain of Bramley who was setting off on the team coach later, turn everything off lock up etc,
After making good time until getting near Heathrow we ended up in the mother of all traffic jams and to pass the time started remembering all the things we had forgotten to bring, glasses etc.
We were booked into a “Lenny Henry Special” a mile or so from the stadium and to be fair the place was ok considering the price, but we decided that there was no way we could be cooped up there for the night so we rang some friends who had set off earlier and arranged to meet them in a boozer in Hounslow, Yates’s to be precise what a shit hole! still with jugs of what was laughingly described as white wine at a fiver a go it was economical so not terribly surprisingly there we stayed.
A bombshell was dropped, do you have your match tickets yet we were asked? No I was just going to pay on the gate I said, Oh don’t bother we have some spare came the reply for the royal box she added………………don’t take the piss said I, no really she said handing them over, this could get messy thought I, still ask no questions etc.
The game itself was a bit of an anti climax as we gave em far too much respect not to mention a 25 point start a finished up coming second but the occasion was truly memorable and watching from prince William’s seat was good for a laugh as well.
The day continued with much drinking etc at a pub called the cabbage patch on Twickenham high street until the evening when my self and Mrs. Dwarfe peeled off and left then to it while we wobbled back to our hotel and went on a munchies frenzy in the restaurant.
Meanwhile we seem to have a new government, I cant believe the temerity of Clegg the turncoat, and cant wait to see what happens when Cameron gets sick of having him following him around’.
Beckham meanwhile looks as if his Achilles injury will keep him out of action for a couple of months so he wont be able to resume his modeling career until August neither will he be able to watch the world cup from his now usual position of on the bench between Michael Carrick and the bloke who washes the kit.
And my favorite entertainer Robbie Gobby Williams, is claiming to have made his previous albums while under the influence of cannabis personally I find the claim laughable that anyone on marijuana could possibly come up with anything as bland and turgid as “sing when your winning” the little west midlands karaoke singing cretin is desperately trying to get his mush in the papers again to boost his waning popularity, as his army of twelve year old fans have all grown up and seen through him . will write again soon……
DD
Wednesday 5 May 2010
Hello all have been away for a while and thought Id better catch up its been a busy time around here, a weekend away last week did us all good went down to Evesham to watch the youngest play and we won ! much to everyone’s relief and my surprise I might shamefully add and so Twickenham it is in a fortnight I wonder if the place knows what’s coming, a lighter side of the episode was the young un managed to get his self in Gloucestershire today (the local newspaper) the “action shot” clearly shows him with his finger up his nose ………never mind See added pic
Anyway General Election tomorrow then the three main clowns can go back to London and start ignoring us again, still cant make my mind up who to vote for and will probably shut my eyes and stick a pin in the paper its as sound a system as any I’ve heard of recently on the home front the healthy living regime installed by the wife seems to be working and apart from everything else is saving yours truly a fortune .
On the work front the Barmy supervisor has suddenly started taking his job seriously and has spent the last couple of weeks chasing around members of staff he suspects of skiving and feverishly writing reports to send to human resources, warming to the heart it is to see only knowing full well that the brutes are far too clever for him and will simply run rings around him in the subsequent disciplinary hearings I find it particularly amusing to watch him trying to brow beat them into grassing each other up, as they all sit there with zipped up gobs and smug grins, still it gives him something to do and out of my way so there s a silver lining after all .
Monday 26 April 2010
Here’s a thought I had watching the debate the other night and I think as a policy it’s a sure fire winner. FIRST we get a Judge to declare Binladen Officially dead, THEN, Gordon or whoever can declare the war on terror officially won, THEN, we can bring all our soldiers home from Iraq and Afghanistan saving ourselves zillions of pounds instead of having to shut stuff over here, THEN, I think we could all drink to that apart from the Muslims of course but don’t worry cos they get something too, Binladens wives will be able to claim on the insurance while he takes a canoe holiday, and his mates in Iraq and Afghanistan can all go back to the “rustic” life style they are so keen on.
Everyone’s a winner doubles all round, whadda you thunk?
Anyway moving on, after a week that can only be described as manic the weekend came around full of promise for the Dwarfe household went out on Friday and the man in the pub was in fine form apparently water has been found on the moon and its already significantly better than that found in most Spanish hotels, the drunken conversation degenerated into a probably brilliant Idea to “sex up” the general election, lets get Simon Cowel to do it X factor style with Dermot and Davina telling us all which number to ring every 15 seconds each party gets say 3 minutes cos lets face it that’s about the attention span most of the audience have then they can get Cowel and his camp mates to waspishly pull em to bits we could make a fortune soon have the deficit sorted advertising space and everything primetime on a Saturday imagine that we could even have a competition for the party broadcasts and slip in that incredibly annoying “we buy any car advert” speaking of incredibly annoying I was forced (by senior management) to sit through a documentary about Pineapple dance studio I’m normally a calm and non violent person but how irritating is that geezer that runs the place and keeps bursting into dance routines for no apparent reason, after about ten minutes of it I had an overwhelming urge to kick him round the car park.
Anyway have to go for now seeyawllll
Everyone’s a winner doubles all round, whadda you thunk?
Anyway moving on, after a week that can only be described as manic the weekend came around full of promise for the Dwarfe household went out on Friday and the man in the pub was in fine form apparently water has been found on the moon and its already significantly better than that found in most Spanish hotels, the drunken conversation degenerated into a probably brilliant Idea to “sex up” the general election, lets get Simon Cowel to do it X factor style with Dermot and Davina telling us all which number to ring every 15 seconds each party gets say 3 minutes cos lets face it that’s about the attention span most of the audience have then they can get Cowel and his camp mates to waspishly pull em to bits we could make a fortune soon have the deficit sorted advertising space and everything primetime on a Saturday imagine that we could even have a competition for the party broadcasts and slip in that incredibly annoying “we buy any car advert” speaking of incredibly annoying I was forced (by senior management) to sit through a documentary about Pineapple dance studio I’m normally a calm and non violent person but how irritating is that geezer that runs the place and keeps bursting into dance routines for no apparent reason, after about ten minutes of it I had an overwhelming urge to kick him round the car park.
Anyway have to go for now seeyawllll
Monday 19 April 2010
Here we are again another day another dollar its been a pretty good weekend all round and everyone seems to be getting on feel quite sorry for all the folk stuck in foreign parts because of some volcano or other in Iceland, and apparently unlike Cheryl Cole it is still blowing ash so there’s no end in sight to the projected misery, on the news just now some Herbert in our government has decided to send an aircraft carrier to France to pick up the stranded, seeing that there is apparently lots of space on the cross channel ferries this would appear to be a political circus , election coming is there?
On the subject of which Nick Clegg the man of in substance from the Liberal party appears to have done quite well in the televised debate unfortunately for him after years of being largely ignored some of his policy statements may now come under rather close scrutiny and all those wonderful sounding ideas that he confidently droned on about in the full and certain knowledge that none would ever be put into practice he may now have to run with because if he gets another swing to the libs After the next televised snore fest he could just feasibly be heading for government saw him on the news earlier and the poor sod looked like a rabbit in the headlights.
On the work front our star man supervisor who has been rather quiet recently bought a “Chinese I phone “ off the internet I did warn the Idiot that it would break but now he’s moaning that bits of it have stopped working and he cant get half of the apps to work it wont connect to the internet and keeps turning itself off £100 quid well spent still there is none so blind as those that will not see. The man in the pub was on fine form on Friday night on one of his “send em all back” tirades very entertaining it was like one of Barbara Windsors wedding video’s up until the time that the place got raided I’ve never seen so many coppers in one place, sniffer dogs and everything eleven vans worth didn’t find anything though and tempted as I was to tell em to eff off and catch some burglars I thought better of it fortunately.
Anyone seen new Tory manifesto? Apparently “according to the man in the pub” they want to let Idiots like us set up our own schools ! and we will be able to sack MP’s we don’t like, now I’m not Albert Einstein but even I can see where this is going they must be F*****G crazy I don’t want people who just happen to live in my street having more power for gods sake there is a bloke in our rugby club who put himself in hospital setting fire to his farts and who’s main claim to fame is that he can get £2.70 in ten pence pieces inside his foreskin, I know he can because I’ve seen him do it and they want people like him telling us how to educate our kids
On the subject of which Nick Clegg the man of in substance from the Liberal party appears to have done quite well in the televised debate unfortunately for him after years of being largely ignored some of his policy statements may now come under rather close scrutiny and all those wonderful sounding ideas that he confidently droned on about in the full and certain knowledge that none would ever be put into practice he may now have to run with because if he gets another swing to the libs After the next televised snore fest he could just feasibly be heading for government saw him on the news earlier and the poor sod looked like a rabbit in the headlights.
On the work front our star man supervisor who has been rather quiet recently bought a “Chinese I phone “ off the internet I did warn the Idiot that it would break but now he’s moaning that bits of it have stopped working and he cant get half of the apps to work it wont connect to the internet and keeps turning itself off £100 quid well spent still there is none so blind as those that will not see. The man in the pub was on fine form on Friday night on one of his “send em all back” tirades very entertaining it was like one of Barbara Windsors wedding video’s up until the time that the place got raided I’ve never seen so many coppers in one place, sniffer dogs and everything eleven vans worth didn’t find anything though and tempted as I was to tell em to eff off and catch some burglars I thought better of it fortunately.
Anyone seen new Tory manifesto? Apparently “according to the man in the pub” they want to let Idiots like us set up our own schools ! and we will be able to sack MP’s we don’t like, now I’m not Albert Einstein but even I can see where this is going they must be F*****G crazy I don’t want people who just happen to live in my street having more power for gods sake there is a bloke in our rugby club who put himself in hospital setting fire to his farts and who’s main claim to fame is that he can get £2.70 in ten pence pieces inside his foreskin, I know he can because I’ve seen him do it and they want people like him telling us how to educate our kids
Monday 12 April 2010
Very quiet at work and on the home front the missus has put us all on diets even the youngest is on a healthy eating crusade I wonder how long this will last.
The garden is slowly getting reclaimed and I now have plans to get rid of the Ivy growing up the house side I’m finding this election malarkey increasingly depressing and wish they would all just go away and die quietly my foot is infected again but I’m keeping that quiet until I have no choice as I don’t fancy another episode with the toe nail pliers so soon after the last one I have to go to the quacks on Friday anyway for tests and stuff I don’t know what they find so fascinating, I suppose I should be grateful I was reading in the paper today about a bloke in County Durham supposedly Britain’s most accident prone man he’s in hospital today with two broken ankles after being crushed by a JCB the list of accidents/injuries suffered by the poor sod is unbelievable he broke both legs tripping over a potato, fractured his scull falling down stairs after tripping over his cat, and has broken his fingers over ten times hitting them with hammers, the list is pretty endless and eye watering too apparently he has been kicked in the nuts by cattle and horses as well as people the list goes on he once cut off a finger whilst whittling ????
Makes my own problems seem tame by comparison.
The plain English campaign group are up in arms with the Cambridgeshire Plod for issuing a free newssheet titled (and I shit you not) “Police continue to target crime”………………..oh good.
The garden is slowly getting reclaimed and I now have plans to get rid of the Ivy growing up the house side I’m finding this election malarkey increasingly depressing and wish they would all just go away and die quietly my foot is infected again but I’m keeping that quiet until I have no choice as I don’t fancy another episode with the toe nail pliers so soon after the last one I have to go to the quacks on Friday anyway for tests and stuff I don’t know what they find so fascinating, I suppose I should be grateful I was reading in the paper today about a bloke in County Durham supposedly Britain’s most accident prone man he’s in hospital today with two broken ankles after being crushed by a JCB the list of accidents/injuries suffered by the poor sod is unbelievable he broke both legs tripping over a potato, fractured his scull falling down stairs after tripping over his cat, and has broken his fingers over ten times hitting them with hammers, the list is pretty endless and eye watering too apparently he has been kicked in the nuts by cattle and horses as well as people the list goes on he once cut off a finger whilst whittling ????
Makes my own problems seem tame by comparison.
The plain English campaign group are up in arms with the Cambridgeshire Plod for issuing a free newssheet titled (and I shit you not) “Police continue to target crime”………………..oh good.
Friday 9 April 2010
One of the things getting to me about the upcoming election is the bloody awful advertising that is going around, now Im no expert but in my experience advertising people normally concentrate on a few of their products main selling points and try to emphasize their advantages and uniqueness, however this lot just seem to want to slag each other off almost as though they are trying to draw attention away from their own inadequacy i.e. look how bad they are , we are not quite so awful, still shit of course but not as bad as them !
The labour party has come up with an own goal that I find particularly depressing “Cameron wants to drag us back to the 80’s” er great I can go berserk again but do I really have to vote for him?
And why have they started getting their bloody awful wives involved , I mean Samcam for gods sake didn’t we all learn a lesson with Cherie Blair at least Thatcher used to keep Dennis out of the way (pissed but out of the way) with the rest of her bloody awful family
But the bloody Tories want us to keep up with Camerons wife, and they have started selling T Shirts with MP’s faces on the front! For gods sake which marketing genius came up with that one.
Anyway returning to the real world, and it was with massive sadness I read about Malcome Mclaren, the man reshaped the music world just as I was getting into it and was responsible for youth finding its voice when it needed it most in the late 70’s and early 80’s its fair to say that the teenage years of myself and all my friends were in some way touched by this nut job and he will be sorely missed.
The labour party has come up with an own goal that I find particularly depressing “Cameron wants to drag us back to the 80’s” er great I can go berserk again but do I really have to vote for him?
And why have they started getting their bloody awful wives involved , I mean Samcam for gods sake didn’t we all learn a lesson with Cherie Blair at least Thatcher used to keep Dennis out of the way (pissed but out of the way) with the rest of her bloody awful family
But the bloody Tories want us to keep up with Camerons wife, and they have started selling T Shirts with MP’s faces on the front! For gods sake which marketing genius came up with that one.
Anyway returning to the real world, and it was with massive sadness I read about Malcome Mclaren, the man reshaped the music world just as I was getting into it and was responsible for youth finding its voice when it needed it most in the late 70’s and early 80’s its fair to say that the teenage years of myself and all my friends were in some way touched by this nut job and he will be sorely missed.
Tuesday 6 April 2010
Here we are again and another week has gone by and our glorious leader has called an election the hysteria that has followed is completely underwhelming although they have wheeled the usual suspects out to have their day in the spotlight and try to inject some interest in the rest of us “may the 6th” screamed one “its gonna be close” yelled another as though every pub in the land was buzzing with nothing else I’m afraid in our household the interest is less than impressive do we get a day off? Asked the youngest like we did at school er no said I it would be too much effort to explain really.
On the home front Easter passed pretty much without incident, the youngest did us proud on Saturday kicking Bramley into the national cup semi final and then on Sunday I had a rush of blood and cleaned the Braai off it was a bit windy but what the hell, the Boerewors tasted better with a bit of ash stuck to it and seeing that everyone seems to have left me off the chocolate egg list, I took the opportunity to pig out on red meat and Baileys cheese cake, Mrs. Dwarfe did her usual trick of inviting just about everyone she knew so the whole thing got a bit pricey, still it kept me out of the pub so there was that to moan about too :O)
Friday however did find me in the best pub in the village but the Mrs spoiled the party by getting absolutely hammered in an hour and a half so I ended up having to take her home just as the evening was getting interesting “the man in the pub was in full flow about various subjects that he only has a tenuous grasp of not that he ever lets that put him off and he was attracting quite a crowd with his new found biblical expertise .
Looking around the news there have been some odd ones recently and not all of them are April fools, a bloke in Australia has been attacked by a wombat apparently he stood on it by accident then the wombat which obviously has a low pain threshold subjected him to a 20 minute prolonged attack before he eventually killed it with an axe, you don’t get this kind of stuff round here have to go now the other half wants the PC
See yawl
DD
On the home front Easter passed pretty much without incident, the youngest did us proud on Saturday kicking Bramley into the national cup semi final and then on Sunday I had a rush of blood and cleaned the Braai off it was a bit windy but what the hell, the Boerewors tasted better with a bit of ash stuck to it and seeing that everyone seems to have left me off the chocolate egg list, I took the opportunity to pig out on red meat and Baileys cheese cake, Mrs. Dwarfe did her usual trick of inviting just about everyone she knew so the whole thing got a bit pricey, still it kept me out of the pub so there was that to moan about too :O)
Friday however did find me in the best pub in the village but the Mrs spoiled the party by getting absolutely hammered in an hour and a half so I ended up having to take her home just as the evening was getting interesting “the man in the pub was in full flow about various subjects that he only has a tenuous grasp of not that he ever lets that put him off and he was attracting quite a crowd with his new found biblical expertise .
Looking around the news there have been some odd ones recently and not all of them are April fools, a bloke in Australia has been attacked by a wombat apparently he stood on it by accident then the wombat which obviously has a low pain threshold subjected him to a 20 minute prolonged attack before he eventually killed it with an axe, you don’t get this kind of stuff round here have to go now the other half wants the PC
See yawl
DD
Monday 29 March 2010
EEEE where to start I’ve been off for that long and so many things have happened, my toes are on the mend but my family is still a bunch of dysfunctional’s my job is still bollocks and the country is about fooked but apart from that everything’s just peachy in the Dwarfe household, the wifes had her hair cut and now resembles Yoda and my youngest is still an arse, in the news Stephen Byers seems to have got the push for embellishing his CV we can only hope he stays away instead of using the revolving door routine employed my Mandelson etc on a lighter note Jenson Button won the grand prix and Paul Gascoin has been caught pissed as a fart in his car again,
I see the BA cabin crew strike is in full swing it would be funny for any of them bumping into a soldier returning from Afghanistan to tell them all about their poor pay, conditions and uniform………..and then duck,
In Canada apparently the oldest magazine on sale there is having to change its name because of “difficulties” with internet spam filters, “The Beaver”has been published since 1920 but an online version is being filtered out by spam filters and the visitors who do manage to get through stay for an average of 10 seconds, cant think why, perhaps a history journal isn’t what they were looking for.
Over zealous chastity belts are of course nothing new on the tinterweb, Scunthorpe for example doesn’t seem to exist and Peniston and Lightwater have both had trouble as well it seems
Meanwhile the man in the pub was dribbling away on fine form this week saying the French are fixing the votes in the European parliament and along with the Germans want to take over in Greece following their enormous cocked up economy as well as more farm subsidies for themselves and of course nothing for us where he gets this crap from I don’t know its not the content that is in anyway amusing it’s the drunken delivery, I think someone must have left a copy of the daily torygraph on the bar still it makes a change from Jordans Tits
I see the BA cabin crew strike is in full swing it would be funny for any of them bumping into a soldier returning from Afghanistan to tell them all about their poor pay, conditions and uniform………..and then duck,
In Canada apparently the oldest magazine on sale there is having to change its name because of “difficulties” with internet spam filters, “The Beaver”has been published since 1920 but an online version is being filtered out by spam filters and the visitors who do manage to get through stay for an average of 10 seconds, cant think why, perhaps a history journal isn’t what they were looking for.
Over zealous chastity belts are of course nothing new on the tinterweb, Scunthorpe for example doesn’t seem to exist and Peniston and Lightwater have both had trouble as well it seems
Meanwhile the man in the pub was dribbling away on fine form this week saying the French are fixing the votes in the European parliament and along with the Germans want to take over in Greece following their enormous cocked up economy as well as more farm subsidies for themselves and of course nothing for us where he gets this crap from I don’t know its not the content that is in anyway amusing it’s the drunken delivery, I think someone must have left a copy of the daily torygraph on the bar still it makes a change from Jordans Tits
Friday 19 March 2010
This week got off to a hectic start with me running round like a blue arsed fly at work trying to get everything shipshape for me to leave it for a few days while I go in hospital although I’ve been down this road before and fully expect to come back to a disaster area.
Tuesday up bright and early absolutely crapping myself basically because I know what happens 0900 please be prompt the letter said so there I was promptly ten minutes early and was seen promptly at eleven o’clock anyway after they had finished torturing me I was left to my own devices on a trolley for no apparent reason for a good hour the nurse then appeared at a sprint apparently the clippy thing on the end of my finger that was supposed to measure my pulse had stopped working, after establishing that I was still alive and therefore unable to sue she informed me after she had finished yelling at me for taking photo’s with my mobile phone I could get dressed and foxtrot oscar off home, this I was only too happy to do hopefully before the feeling came back in my foot.
The youngest picked me up and stopping only to buy a birthday card for senior management home we went .
Its amazing how boring things could be when you are not supposed to be walking around for a few days and how many things there are in our house to stub your toes on so spent Tuesday and Wednesday oozing horribly.
Wednesday, St. Patricks day also Mrs. Dwarfes birthday and all the bars round here are full of English yobs pretending to be Irish, any excuse to get shit faced maybe if we get the red crosses out on April 23rd . for St Georges day the cretins would pretend to be human instead, although that’s probably just wish full thinking no doubt the local councilors would give their beards a trim, dust off their best jumpers, climb up on their hind legs and accuse everyone of racism again telling us how it would upset all the muslims, I said it before and I’ll say it again screw the lot of em, its time we were represented properly in this country.
Where was I, oh yes the wife’s birthday there was no way I was going to get a shoe on so off she went with her sisters leaving me in peace, starving but in peace.
Thursday saw me off to see nursey for the dressing changed and by blood pressure checked which apparently went up while I was having my opp, cant think why I mean having your toenails torn off is an everyday occurrence round here, anyway the blood and snot had glued the dressings to my foot so that was another highly unpleasant half hour getting them changed, “Oh well done” proclaimed nursy , “f**k you” muttered I , “oh dear your BP is up again she said” “oh you don’t f*****g say” quipped me .
The weekend beckons with my birthday tomorrow and we have a busy one planned hope I can get my shoes on otherwise I’m off to the pub in my slippers
Tuesday up bright and early absolutely crapping myself basically because I know what happens 0900 please be prompt the letter said so there I was promptly ten minutes early and was seen promptly at eleven o’clock anyway after they had finished torturing me I was left to my own devices on a trolley for no apparent reason for a good hour the nurse then appeared at a sprint apparently the clippy thing on the end of my finger that was supposed to measure my pulse had stopped working, after establishing that I was still alive and therefore unable to sue she informed me after she had finished yelling at me for taking photo’s with my mobile phone I could get dressed and foxtrot oscar off home, this I was only too happy to do hopefully before the feeling came back in my foot.
The youngest picked me up and stopping only to buy a birthday card for senior management home we went .
Its amazing how boring things could be when you are not supposed to be walking around for a few days and how many things there are in our house to stub your toes on so spent Tuesday and Wednesday oozing horribly.
Wednesday, St. Patricks day also Mrs. Dwarfes birthday and all the bars round here are full of English yobs pretending to be Irish, any excuse to get shit faced maybe if we get the red crosses out on April 23rd . for St Georges day the cretins would pretend to be human instead, although that’s probably just wish full thinking no doubt the local councilors would give their beards a trim, dust off their best jumpers, climb up on their hind legs and accuse everyone of racism again telling us how it would upset all the muslims, I said it before and I’ll say it again screw the lot of em, its time we were represented properly in this country.
Where was I, oh yes the wife’s birthday there was no way I was going to get a shoe on so off she went with her sisters leaving me in peace, starving but in peace.
Thursday saw me off to see nursey for the dressing changed and by blood pressure checked which apparently went up while I was having my opp, cant think why I mean having your toenails torn off is an everyday occurrence round here, anyway the blood and snot had glued the dressings to my foot so that was another highly unpleasant half hour getting them changed, “Oh well done” proclaimed nursy , “f**k you” muttered I , “oh dear your BP is up again she said” “oh you don’t f*****g say” quipped me .
The weekend beckons with my birthday tomorrow and we have a busy one planned hope I can get my shoes on otherwise I’m off to the pub in my slippers
Tuesday 16 March 2010
Watching Man utd the other night I noticed that this game was billed as David Beckhams return to Old Trafford, unfortunately he wasn’t selected to start so the TV director had to keep zooming in on him sat on the bench chewing, just in case he had gone home.
On a more serious note David Cameron our PM in waiting decided that he would have to do a TV interview to counter balance Gordon Browns conducted crying on the Piers Morgan drivel fest the week before, so there he is with the world at his feet and every serious political interviewer in the land Paxman, Mcdondald etc , chomping at the bit to have him on and who does he choose,,,,,,, Alan bloody Titchmarsh for gods sake, he may as well have asked me.
The Lib Dems have entered into the spirit of the up coming election by parachuting a woman porn director into a constituency in Kent it should cure the voting apathy if nothing else the manifesto should make good reading “ A local candidate for local issues etc” the constituency phone lines should be good too when you ring up to moan about the dog mess or street lights and the operators telling you what shes wearing and moaning back at you I’d vote for that !
Prince Phillip has played another blinder again this week I see, asking a sea cadet who told him she worked part time in a night club if she was a stripper, this seemed a good encore after telling General Stroessner leader of Paraguay ( a country run almost exclusively be ex Nazis) that it was “good to be in a country that’s not ruled by its people” then he destroyed a 13 year old boy who said he wanted to be an astronaught “your much too fat for that” this all came after last years little beauties when he asked an aboriginal tribe leader in Australia if “ they still chucked spears at each other” then closer to home when introduced to a Scottish driving instructor he quipped “ how do you keep the locals sober enough to get em through the test?”, not forgetting all the slitty eye jokes the idiot cracked in China last year I mean I wish he would die cos I really really really want his job…………………..god bless him
Anyway that was Friday and good riddance to a pretty awful week all round am looking forward to tonight though so I can go out and practice binge drinking gotta go now I must rearrange the technical area
DD
On a more serious note David Cameron our PM in waiting decided that he would have to do a TV interview to counter balance Gordon Browns conducted crying on the Piers Morgan drivel fest the week before, so there he is with the world at his feet and every serious political interviewer in the land Paxman, Mcdondald etc , chomping at the bit to have him on and who does he choose,,,,,,, Alan bloody Titchmarsh for gods sake, he may as well have asked me.
The Lib Dems have entered into the spirit of the up coming election by parachuting a woman porn director into a constituency in Kent it should cure the voting apathy if nothing else the manifesto should make good reading “ A local candidate for local issues etc” the constituency phone lines should be good too when you ring up to moan about the dog mess or street lights and the operators telling you what shes wearing and moaning back at you I’d vote for that !
Prince Phillip has played another blinder again this week I see, asking a sea cadet who told him she worked part time in a night club if she was a stripper, this seemed a good encore after telling General Stroessner leader of Paraguay ( a country run almost exclusively be ex Nazis) that it was “good to be in a country that’s not ruled by its people” then he destroyed a 13 year old boy who said he wanted to be an astronaught “your much too fat for that” this all came after last years little beauties when he asked an aboriginal tribe leader in Australia if “ they still chucked spears at each other” then closer to home when introduced to a Scottish driving instructor he quipped “ how do you keep the locals sober enough to get em through the test?”, not forgetting all the slitty eye jokes the idiot cracked in China last year I mean I wish he would die cos I really really really want his job…………………..god bless him
Anyway that was Friday and good riddance to a pretty awful week all round am looking forward to tonight though so I can go out and practice binge drinking gotta go now I must rearrange the technical area
DD
Thursday 4 March 2010
Hello all Settling down to watch the England, V Egypt game last night I’m not a huge football fan but last night I came to realize last night that at least one person in Wembley stadium has a sense of humor I had to have a little giggle as England were lining up to come out the camera focused on John Terry and the PA announcer chose that moment to start playing “The Killers “ Mr. Brightside (Jealousy is killing me etc) I had thought everyone in football far too self important and up themselves for anything like that.
I see on TV earlier that yet another lightweight daytime TV presenter has gone west in a bizarre masturbation accident do these people know something we don’t, or do we just lack imagination?
Meanwhile in politics its nice to see Gordon Brown telling old Jacob Zuma to sling his hook over the Zimbabwe thing,
And on the home front we have just received our council tax bill, I really do need to lay down the bill goes up and up and at the same time the service goes down and down, big holes in the roads bins not emptied etc, then the cheeky sods had the front to send me a snotty letter telling me to cut back my trees that are overgrowing the foot path at the side of my house, the foot path that is , that is responsible for half the bloody crime in west Leeds, or else……………………they will send someone round, well please do, feel free, knock yourselves out.
On the domestic front our youngest has been stitched up in this new job of his, he started off with promises of Monday to Friday and has now a month in been told he will have to go on a continental shift pattern that will severely bugger up his rugby so not being one to take things lying down he marched into the office with a handful of holiday forms and booked off every Saturday between now and the end of the season after glowering at the HR woman he got away with it too, Awww bless him.
Don’t know what the weekend will bring but I’m hoping for some decent weather so I can make a start in the garden, and reclaim the area around the pond and waterfall so I can sit there with my fishing rod through the summer, must dash I need to rearrange the fruit bowl
DD
I see on TV earlier that yet another lightweight daytime TV presenter has gone west in a bizarre masturbation accident do these people know something we don’t, or do we just lack imagination?
Meanwhile in politics its nice to see Gordon Brown telling old Jacob Zuma to sling his hook over the Zimbabwe thing,
And on the home front we have just received our council tax bill, I really do need to lay down the bill goes up and up and at the same time the service goes down and down, big holes in the roads bins not emptied etc, then the cheeky sods had the front to send me a snotty letter telling me to cut back my trees that are overgrowing the foot path at the side of my house, the foot path that is , that is responsible for half the bloody crime in west Leeds, or else……………………they will send someone round, well please do, feel free, knock yourselves out.
On the domestic front our youngest has been stitched up in this new job of his, he started off with promises of Monday to Friday and has now a month in been told he will have to go on a continental shift pattern that will severely bugger up his rugby so not being one to take things lying down he marched into the office with a handful of holiday forms and booked off every Saturday between now and the end of the season after glowering at the HR woman he got away with it too, Awww bless him.
Don’t know what the weekend will bring but I’m hoping for some decent weather so I can make a start in the garden, and reclaim the area around the pond and waterfall so I can sit there with my fishing rod through the summer, must dash I need to rearrange the fruit bowl
DD
Tuesday 2 March 2010
Friday eventually crawled round and we stayed in waiting for the satellite TV bloke to call around all we got was a txt telling us he couldn’t make it and would call tomorrow to tell the truth our hopes weren’t high after he messed us around last time so we wont hold our breath for tomorrow, and sure enough stayed in Saturday and no TV man have the feeling we’ve been stitched up like a kipper with this bloke, I suppose we’ll have to do this the legal/expensive way :O) stayed in to watch the six nations game’s Scotland got beat but the one we were particularly despondent about was the England farce, beaten by the Irish AGAIN but never mind a party at one of the neighbors promised to lighten the mood and from what I remember It was a fine old time Apparently I started getting obnoxious around midnight after polishing off the vodka and was getting well and truly stuck into the pear cider when Missus Dwarfe decided enough was enough and bundled me back around to our house sent me to bed and disappeared back to the party, ah what it must be to be popular.
Sunday saw me off across town to see my Dad getting a bit worried about him to tell the truth his blood sugar keeps going through the roof and he’s well into his eighty’s so it cant mean anything good but he seems happy and active enough so keeping the fingers crossed.
After lunch we had yet another party to go to but to be honest by this time I had had about enough alcohol for the week and pleasant though it was we left early and were home for six and an early night .
5 am Monday morning it’s the wife’s turn to get the boy up and as I lay there in a warm semi conscious state I was dimly aware of movement downstairs and was just dropping off back to sleep for an hour when I heard the door crash open again, the nut case had come back and that could mean a few things none of them good, “is dad awake”? I was then alright, what now thought I turns out the fool had put petrol in my car that he is borrowing while his is repaired it should however have been diesel
So the week was off to a flier, after sorting that out and getting him on his way, with eyes like a teddy bear I got to work not really in the mood for the usual Monday crap that was sure to hit the fan as usual managed to sidestep most of it and was off up the road at home time like a rat up a drainpipe when I got there however I soon wished I hadn’t been in such a rush. Mrs Dwarfe had agreed against all common sense to hold a tea party for one of her sisters mother in laws (so it would be a surprise) and as I came in salivating for my dinner I was greeted with her feverishly cooking party food and shouting at me to go sit down and touch nothing the young un was sat there in the best room as well with a face like a slapped arse, they’re all coming dad he said ALL of em ! pausing to let this sink in he continued even aunty A***la .
Its not often “her we don’t mention” comes around here, come to think of it it’s not often she seems to go anywhere, so I thought I’d best find out, er about you’re A***la I started to say but was met with a look that would have stripped paint followed by What about her? Still not reading the signs I thought I’d lighten the mood “don’t let her have anything sharp” will you I quipped “ best just stick to soup” I continued before the wrath of hell was unleashed upon my mortal being .
Slinking away muttering I thought this is going to be wonderful must try behave, must try behave, must try behave just as the door opened , and they all arrived together my young un saw his chance to drop me in it and picked his moment perfectly, (I really couldn’t) have don’t it better myself) “Dad says he shouted She’s not to have owt Sharp or hot and not to lick the windows cos they’ve just been cleaned” and then flew up stairs wetting himself.
To be fair She took it in fun, no one else did though so the rest of the evening could have been more comfortable……………..better go now the kids need dropping off at the pool
Sunday saw me off across town to see my Dad getting a bit worried about him to tell the truth his blood sugar keeps going through the roof and he’s well into his eighty’s so it cant mean anything good but he seems happy and active enough so keeping the fingers crossed.
After lunch we had yet another party to go to but to be honest by this time I had had about enough alcohol for the week and pleasant though it was we left early and were home for six and an early night .
5 am Monday morning it’s the wife’s turn to get the boy up and as I lay there in a warm semi conscious state I was dimly aware of movement downstairs and was just dropping off back to sleep for an hour when I heard the door crash open again, the nut case had come back and that could mean a few things none of them good, “is dad awake”? I was then alright, what now thought I turns out the fool had put petrol in my car that he is borrowing while his is repaired it should however have been diesel
So the week was off to a flier, after sorting that out and getting him on his way, with eyes like a teddy bear I got to work not really in the mood for the usual Monday crap that was sure to hit the fan as usual managed to sidestep most of it and was off up the road at home time like a rat up a drainpipe when I got there however I soon wished I hadn’t been in such a rush. Mrs Dwarfe had agreed against all common sense to hold a tea party for one of her sisters mother in laws (so it would be a surprise) and as I came in salivating for my dinner I was greeted with her feverishly cooking party food and shouting at me to go sit down and touch nothing the young un was sat there in the best room as well with a face like a slapped arse, they’re all coming dad he said ALL of em ! pausing to let this sink in he continued even aunty A***la .
Its not often “her we don’t mention” comes around here, come to think of it it’s not often she seems to go anywhere, so I thought I’d best find out, er about you’re A***la I started to say but was met with a look that would have stripped paint followed by What about her? Still not reading the signs I thought I’d lighten the mood “don’t let her have anything sharp” will you I quipped “ best just stick to soup” I continued before the wrath of hell was unleashed upon my mortal being .
Slinking away muttering I thought this is going to be wonderful must try behave, must try behave, must try behave just as the door opened , and they all arrived together my young un saw his chance to drop me in it and picked his moment perfectly, (I really couldn’t) have don’t it better myself) “Dad says he shouted She’s not to have owt Sharp or hot and not to lick the windows cos they’ve just been cleaned” and then flew up stairs wetting himself.
To be fair She took it in fun, no one else did though so the rest of the evening could have been more comfortable……………..better go now the kids need dropping off at the pool
Saturday 27 February 2010
I’ve always tried to keep away from character assassinations of my extended family even though sometimes I wonder why so I will resist the temptation and pick on someone else instead, the ocean finance adverts, is there an acting agency somewhere that specializes in very bad actors who are pig ugly to boot and if not then where the hell do they find these people I know I’m no oil painting but some of these herberts would frighten our dog I could go on ,,, so I shall, the latest one features a halfwit who is wandering around with what appears to be a large 1920’s Edison light bulb on his head who comes home and gets positively priapic when his Bella Emburg lookalike wife tells him that Ocean have their own TV channel, yes we know it has Mrs. its mixed up with all the adult stuff to keep the kids away.
The injury lawyers 4 you people seem to be using the same agency there is a woman slipping on a wet floor And as her hand bag hits the floor and her lipstick bounces away in slow motion the camera zooms out to show her opening a cheque the last time I saw teeth that bad it was on the discovery channel and why does the top of her head seem to be flat, has she had some previous nasty accident perhaps ?
On Monday I was off work and being bored thought I’d cheer myself up with some daytime TV the one I was particularly underwhelmed with was loose women who’s Idea was this and who can be arsed watching it , it was like listening to my Mrs. and her sisters after a few chateux collapso’s
Back to work on Tuesday thank gawd not that there was much sanity in that direction our mentalist supervisor is now planning on buying a billy goat which is actually a large outdoor vacuum he plans to go round pubs and charge em 20 quid a go to suck up the fag ends outside, the mans nuts
Nigel Farage Dontcha just love him not only as he made a complete pillock of himself with his half arsed insults but now he’s trying to drag the rest of us in to his personal crusade I mean how the hell do these people get elected and where does he get the mandate to spew out all that “non country crap” he’s made the entire country curl their toes in embarrassment in my opinion the desire to become a politician should immediately ban you from becoming one and on a similar note the bleedin yanks are sitting on the fence again over the Falkland oil argument for Christ’s sake someone tell em to get behind us or we’ll leave em to the mess they’ve made in Afghanistan and Iraq because any excuse to pull out of there should be grabbed with both hands…………….rant over I wonder what the weekend holds in store we wait with bated breath have to go now…………anyone injured back there?
The injury lawyers 4 you people seem to be using the same agency there is a woman slipping on a wet floor And as her hand bag hits the floor and her lipstick bounces away in slow motion the camera zooms out to show her opening a cheque the last time I saw teeth that bad it was on the discovery channel and why does the top of her head seem to be flat, has she had some previous nasty accident perhaps ?
On Monday I was off work and being bored thought I’d cheer myself up with some daytime TV the one I was particularly underwhelmed with was loose women who’s Idea was this and who can be arsed watching it , it was like listening to my Mrs. and her sisters after a few chateux collapso’s
Back to work on Tuesday thank gawd not that there was much sanity in that direction our mentalist supervisor is now planning on buying a billy goat which is actually a large outdoor vacuum he plans to go round pubs and charge em 20 quid a go to suck up the fag ends outside, the mans nuts
Nigel Farage Dontcha just love him not only as he made a complete pillock of himself with his half arsed insults but now he’s trying to drag the rest of us in to his personal crusade I mean how the hell do these people get elected and where does he get the mandate to spew out all that “non country crap” he’s made the entire country curl their toes in embarrassment in my opinion the desire to become a politician should immediately ban you from becoming one and on a similar note the bleedin yanks are sitting on the fence again over the Falkland oil argument for Christ’s sake someone tell em to get behind us or we’ll leave em to the mess they’ve made in Afghanistan and Iraq because any excuse to pull out of there should be grabbed with both hands…………….rant over I wonder what the weekend holds in store we wait with bated breath have to go now…………anyone injured back there?
Monday 22 February 2010
Monday again and the brain of Bramley AKA my young un has gone to work with my keys in the glove box of his car so that’s the day knackered before it starts, back to bed it is then.
This weekend has been quite a pleasant one for a change no nasty happenings or arguments to blacken the mood, even my tooth has been behaving itself my foot still throbs like buggery in my opinion, although I’m told “nothing throbs like buggery” not something I’m qualified to comment on will have to ask the fairy at work if I ever get there.
Saturday was just cold enough to keep me from having to prune the trees in the garden something I’ve been avoiding since September but not cold enough to but the kibosh on anything else, so off I went to Baildon to watch the nipper play an easy win in the end but he got carted off to hospital with a stinger injury which turned out to be just soft tissue, a bruise in other words , soft sod.
Still it leaves him ok to play in the national cup thingy next week and I’m thinking of jumping the gun and booking a weekend in London for the final I know it will probably give them the kiss of death but Mrs. Dwarfe has been nattering at me, I don’t think she wants me to go on my own, I wonder what she thinks she knows this time, I detect a certain air of distrust creeping in.
All giddy at the moment I just ordered my new phone the old one is held together with duct tape and keeps switching itself off for no good reason but I’ve had to cope until an upgrade was available, so now something new and shiny, is due to arrive tomorrow I wonder how long this one will last.
The snow seems to have come back with reinforcements today I wish it would pack it in, its no fun rolling around on the floor in this but at least its making my garden look like the retired bloke next door.
I see on the news this morning the “petrol tanks” have managed to bomb the crap out of a load of civilians in Afghanistan, well at least they missed our lads for a change.
WTF is going on at Chelsea we now have Cashley Cole getting caught playing hide the sausage at least it means John Terry can breath out at least for a minute I mean how daft do you have to be to get caught you would think with the amount they earn they could cover their arses a bit better than that, the man in the pub reckons that it could cost us the world cup if they drop the pair of them but he may as well put his hat on his arse and learn to walk backwards as we were never going to win it in the first place Cole should be worried himself though because in a couple of years when he’s on the bench for Gillingham reserves and she’s off doing a summer season at Butlins she will probably be getting her own back with a different redcoat every night.
Have to go now I’m afraid, KEEP SHOUTING SIR WE’LL FIND YOU…………..
This weekend has been quite a pleasant one for a change no nasty happenings or arguments to blacken the mood, even my tooth has been behaving itself my foot still throbs like buggery in my opinion, although I’m told “nothing throbs like buggery” not something I’m qualified to comment on will have to ask the fairy at work if I ever get there.
Saturday was just cold enough to keep me from having to prune the trees in the garden something I’ve been avoiding since September but not cold enough to but the kibosh on anything else, so off I went to Baildon to watch the nipper play an easy win in the end but he got carted off to hospital with a stinger injury which turned out to be just soft tissue, a bruise in other words , soft sod.
Still it leaves him ok to play in the national cup thingy next week and I’m thinking of jumping the gun and booking a weekend in London for the final I know it will probably give them the kiss of death but Mrs. Dwarfe has been nattering at me, I don’t think she wants me to go on my own, I wonder what she thinks she knows this time, I detect a certain air of distrust creeping in.
All giddy at the moment I just ordered my new phone the old one is held together with duct tape and keeps switching itself off for no good reason but I’ve had to cope until an upgrade was available, so now something new and shiny, is due to arrive tomorrow I wonder how long this one will last.
The snow seems to have come back with reinforcements today I wish it would pack it in, its no fun rolling around on the floor in this but at least its making my garden look like the retired bloke next door.
I see on the news this morning the “petrol tanks” have managed to bomb the crap out of a load of civilians in Afghanistan, well at least they missed our lads for a change.
WTF is going on at Chelsea we now have Cashley Cole getting caught playing hide the sausage at least it means John Terry can breath out at least for a minute I mean how daft do you have to be to get caught you would think with the amount they earn they could cover their arses a bit better than that, the man in the pub reckons that it could cost us the world cup if they drop the pair of them but he may as well put his hat on his arse and learn to walk backwards as we were never going to win it in the first place Cole should be worried himself though because in a couple of years when he’s on the bench for Gillingham reserves and she’s off doing a summer season at Butlins she will probably be getting her own back with a different redcoat every night.
Have to go now I’m afraid, KEEP SHOUTING SIR WE’LL FIND YOU…………..
Friday 19 February 2010
Friday at last and am finally getting the hang of me new teef and am looking forward to tonight’s bun fight , tomorrow sees me off to Baildon , to watch some more high quality sport (Rugby) hope my youngest is sensible tonight he’s staying at his girlfriends so that usually keeps him sober unless they have another fall out in which case he will be on the piss again up Pudsey and good for sod all tomorrow the last couple of days have been an eye opener on the working front the previously mentioned Herbert supervisor has come up with another little beauty “ drop shipping” on ebay which sounds suspiciously like handling stolen goods to me,” I said it to Orville and I said it to Wilbur it’ll never fooking fly “
Have to go now Mr. Brown is knocking
Have to go now Mr. Brown is knocking
Wednesday 17 February 2010
Evening all, I see Robbie “Gobby” Williams was given a lifetime achievement award at last nights Brits isn’t that a bit like giving business man of the year to last Fridays lottery winner, nice result but no talent involved its not as though he writes any of his own stuff or anything, bet he’s off down the public bogs with his two friends “George & Michael”
to celebrate.
Meanwhile back in my little world, I have now had my new false tooth fitted the upside is that I can now smile in public and the downside is that missus Dwarfe will expect me to smile in public, also I cant seem to drive them properly eating for example is completely out by the time I’ve finished anything its clap cold and I’ve got passed wanting it. Even an apple is now a mission today at work I spent ten minutes hacking one to bits with a Stanley knife into small enough bits so I didn’t have to bite it.
Missus Dwarfe says I will soon get used to it but I’m not too sure and Friday nights meal out should be an experience I will probably pretend I’m not hungry and stick to just soup because the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about, whipping em out in the middle of the restaurant and chomping away on a steak or something with my top set on the side plate is pretty sure to get us booted out and I could do without spending the weekend on the shit list.
At this rate I will be looking like Lena Zavoroni by June, It does have one unexpected bonus though I’ve found that Smiling at dogs makes em slink away whimpering, It could be the next big reality thing on channel 4 “when dentures attack” or “A dentist ruined my life” or some such bollocks it cant be any worse than some of the crap that’s finding its way onto there I swear I saw one called “strictly come wheelchair dancing” I shit you not !
The man in the pub meanwhile dropped a real bombshell today by stating that due to a global conspiracy (what another one?) the world will end on December 21 2012 better make sure the missus is insured then.
Only the super rich will survive because they have all been party to this and have been planning their escape for a long time its sad to think that the only remaining ambassadors from mankind will be prince Charles Paul Mccartney, Bill gates, and Richard Branson, my heart wasn’t really in the discussion so I wandered home with my rattling tooth and left them to it, have to go now my bike needs turning round
DD
to celebrate.
Meanwhile back in my little world, I have now had my new false tooth fitted the upside is that I can now smile in public and the downside is that missus Dwarfe will expect me to smile in public, also I cant seem to drive them properly eating for example is completely out by the time I’ve finished anything its clap cold and I’ve got passed wanting it. Even an apple is now a mission today at work I spent ten minutes hacking one to bits with a Stanley knife into small enough bits so I didn’t have to bite it.
Missus Dwarfe says I will soon get used to it but I’m not too sure and Friday nights meal out should be an experience I will probably pretend I’m not hungry and stick to just soup because the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about, whipping em out in the middle of the restaurant and chomping away on a steak or something with my top set on the side plate is pretty sure to get us booted out and I could do without spending the weekend on the shit list.
At this rate I will be looking like Lena Zavoroni by June, It does have one unexpected bonus though I’ve found that Smiling at dogs makes em slink away whimpering, It could be the next big reality thing on channel 4 “when dentures attack” or “A dentist ruined my life” or some such bollocks it cant be any worse than some of the crap that’s finding its way onto there I swear I saw one called “strictly come wheelchair dancing” I shit you not !
The man in the pub meanwhile dropped a real bombshell today by stating that due to a global conspiracy (what another one?) the world will end on December 21 2012 better make sure the missus is insured then.
Only the super rich will survive because they have all been party to this and have been planning their escape for a long time its sad to think that the only remaining ambassadors from mankind will be prince Charles Paul Mccartney, Bill gates, and Richard Branson, my heart wasn’t really in the discussion so I wandered home with my rattling tooth and left them to it, have to go now my bike needs turning round
DD
Monday 15 February 2010
…………………….Sunday morning…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ………. its what day ? oh Jesus Christ why didn’t someone mention it 10 minutes later yours truly is scraping the price off a bunch of BP’s finest in the local petrol station luckily they sell cards as well ,and fervently hoping I could get home before her majesty could get down stairs, I didn’t
Needless to say things could have gone better but I still have all the main parts attached so it could have been worse too
A nice easy day was planned and after I had made lunch by way of atonement I was just settling down to watch the England game when daughters numbers 1 and 2 both arrived with their better halves so there went the peace and quiet this was followed by a couple of sister in laws and the general noise level went up another notch. as they all did that peculiar family thing of trying to talk over each other great I thought all I need now is the other one and as sure as night follows day he rocked up demanding food the fact that he had been missing since yesterday afternoon was completely ignored I thought about sneaking out but knowing I wouldn’t get far I gritted my teeth and tried to be nice, talk about in one ear and out the other its only yesterday but I cant recall a single thing said to me.
Work this morning was almost a relief so sitting at my desk pretending to paw over a couple of parts manuals I found entertainment watching the previously mentioned area supervisor trying to induct and train some new seasonal staff, talk about the blind leading the blind, in the current economic situation with all these folk out of work I cant understand how we manage to find such half witted people most of them were here last year so how come they have forgotten everything in the space of 3 months one of em spent most of the morning picking his nose, eating it and talking about football.
At least I don’t have to get involved will write more tomorrow when my new tooth arrives have to go the vicar is at the door
DD
Needless to say things could have gone better but I still have all the main parts attached so it could have been worse too
A nice easy day was planned and after I had made lunch by way of atonement I was just settling down to watch the England game when daughters numbers 1 and 2 both arrived with their better halves so there went the peace and quiet this was followed by a couple of sister in laws and the general noise level went up another notch. as they all did that peculiar family thing of trying to talk over each other great I thought all I need now is the other one and as sure as night follows day he rocked up demanding food the fact that he had been missing since yesterday afternoon was completely ignored I thought about sneaking out but knowing I wouldn’t get far I gritted my teeth and tried to be nice, talk about in one ear and out the other its only yesterday but I cant recall a single thing said to me.
Work this morning was almost a relief so sitting at my desk pretending to paw over a couple of parts manuals I found entertainment watching the previously mentioned area supervisor trying to induct and train some new seasonal staff, talk about the blind leading the blind, in the current economic situation with all these folk out of work I cant understand how we manage to find such half witted people most of them were here last year so how come they have forgotten everything in the space of 3 months one of em spent most of the morning picking his nose, eating it and talking about football.
At least I don’t have to get involved will write more tomorrow when my new tooth arrives have to go the vicar is at the door
DD
Sunday 14 February 2010
Well that’s another week done with have finally got an appointment to have me poor old feet operated on again first time this year, I wish I knew what was causing it mind you so do the bloody quacks, I really, really hope the anesthetic works this time cos I was swearing the air blue last time, and listening to “ I’m really sorry Mr. dwarf but I cant leave it like this I have to carry on but don’t worry the nails are nearly off” oh that’s alright then thought I.
Never mind things are looking up in other things medical I’m getting my front tooth put back in on Tuesday so I will be able to smile in public for the first time in 20 years, look out ladies!
And that comment from Mrs. Dwarf was entirely unnecessary for all she knows I could be suffering fro a serious medical condition.
Saturday afternoon saw me assume my usual position of zoned out at the rugby club watching the young un play and drinking piss poor lager and wondering who I could blagg a lift home from when after the game the fruit of my loins informed me he had forgotten his trousers because he had gone up there already changed, the kid really is a bloody cretin at times.
Saturday night saw us mooching around Bramley town street and meeting some friends who had managed to get a baby sitter and had really taken advantage of the fact by booking into a hotel a couple of hundred yards away so there was no chance at all of hearing their sproggs kicking off , an interesting evening all round really I got to find out about a job opportunity that would suit me down to the ground and allow me to stick the finger up at the current lot I work with.
Looking around the boozer as I do when senior management pops out for one of her lousy fags was a giggle as well I often wonder what some people think they look like when they come out and why are that couple in the corner eating each others faces and fumbling about under the table, trust me mate that wont last.
Last orders came and went and home we stumbled I was downstairs filling up the coffee machine when I heard the snoring start from up stairs, so It looks like a go on the bouncy castle is off the menu as well so off to the big black night all…………………………..
Never mind things are looking up in other things medical I’m getting my front tooth put back in on Tuesday so I will be able to smile in public for the first time in 20 years, look out ladies!
And that comment from Mrs. Dwarf was entirely unnecessary for all she knows I could be suffering fro a serious medical condition.
Saturday afternoon saw me assume my usual position of zoned out at the rugby club watching the young un play and drinking piss poor lager and wondering who I could blagg a lift home from when after the game the fruit of my loins informed me he had forgotten his trousers because he had gone up there already changed, the kid really is a bloody cretin at times.
Saturday night saw us mooching around Bramley town street and meeting some friends who had managed to get a baby sitter and had really taken advantage of the fact by booking into a hotel a couple of hundred yards away so there was no chance at all of hearing their sproggs kicking off , an interesting evening all round really I got to find out about a job opportunity that would suit me down to the ground and allow me to stick the finger up at the current lot I work with.
Looking around the boozer as I do when senior management pops out for one of her lousy fags was a giggle as well I often wonder what some people think they look like when they come out and why are that couple in the corner eating each others faces and fumbling about under the table, trust me mate that wont last.
Last orders came and went and home we stumbled I was downstairs filling up the coffee machine when I heard the snoring start from up stairs, so It looks like a go on the bouncy castle is off the menu as well so off to the big black night all…………………………..
Thursday 11 February 2010
……………..Roll on Friday as we used to say at R.O.F Barnbow this week is deader than corduroy , I seem to me working in a mad house the lads I’m meant to keep an eye on appear to be all care in the community retards ( I have just taken my boots out of the microwave) , maybe it would just be easier to join in WHAT DO THE WINDOWS TASTE OF TODAY BOYS, it’s a short day today as I’m off to the dentist oh joy I wonder what they’ll charge me for this time.
Looks like we have to stay in tomorrow which is a bit sad for a Friday night but senior management wants to go out Saturday night instead so no “sauce” Saturday afternoon either a double whammy for yours truly , shes buggering off to one of her sisters tonight so at least I get control of the TV, god knows what they find to talk about, me probably or the one of the other unfortunates they are hitched to, when shall we four meet again etc, broomsticks all round.
Had to give our so called supervisor a lecture earlier on poxy service schedules the man has the attention span of a fruit fly I’m sure none of it sunk in so we will probably spend most of the summer getting irate phone calls asking where the hell we are while dipshit tries to blame the lads playing football in the yard under the impression there is nothing to do.
The man in the pub says that our income tax is going up hugely to pay for the bloody Olympics , nothing to do with the mountain of debt the place is in then?
I run my finances better than our chancellor and I’m skint half the time, I mean Darling, what sort of name is that for a chancellor no wonder the place is knackered “oh never mind we’ll print some more money , so that’s all right then.
Might nip to my “club” later (which for the sake of argument I’ll call Bramley rugby club) for a few liveners early doors.
Yours in alcohol DD
Looks like we have to stay in tomorrow which is a bit sad for a Friday night but senior management wants to go out Saturday night instead so no “sauce” Saturday afternoon either a double whammy for yours truly , shes buggering off to one of her sisters tonight so at least I get control of the TV, god knows what they find to talk about, me probably or the one of the other unfortunates they are hitched to, when shall we four meet again etc, broomsticks all round.
Had to give our so called supervisor a lecture earlier on poxy service schedules the man has the attention span of a fruit fly I’m sure none of it sunk in so we will probably spend most of the summer getting irate phone calls asking where the hell we are while dipshit tries to blame the lads playing football in the yard under the impression there is nothing to do.
The man in the pub says that our income tax is going up hugely to pay for the bloody Olympics , nothing to do with the mountain of debt the place is in then?
I run my finances better than our chancellor and I’m skint half the time, I mean Darling, what sort of name is that for a chancellor no wonder the place is knackered “oh never mind we’ll print some more money , so that’s all right then.
Might nip to my “club” later (which for the sake of argument I’ll call Bramley rugby club) for a few liveners early doors.
Yours in alcohol DD
Wednesday 10 February 2010
?????Here we are again, skint but happy too much month left at the end of the money etc.
The papers aren?t exactly full of cheer either, here?s a thought instead of massive cuts in the NHS and other public services, why don?t we just bring our soldiers home, save a fortune and let the unwashed sort things out for themselves I mean no one really agreed to invade Iraq a million + people in fact signed a petition not to do it but Mr sincere Blair and his slack jawed side kick Brown completely ignored the lot of em and went anyway and could someone tell me what we are trying to achieve in Afghanistan and why all we get is the one answer fits all 9/11 , 9/11 what for gods sake I never felt a thing and I?m willing to bet you didn?t either trust me on this nothing we do there will make the slightest difference to us going for a beer at the weekend , the man in the boozer reckons its all because of the great Satan in the west and for once I reckon he?s right I just cant help wondering what?s in it for us ?
And don?t listen to the human rights hand wringing excuse either, if anyone in Westminster really gave a toss about dictators murdering their own people we would have gone into Zimbabwe and Kicked out mad dog Mugabe years ago it would be a lot easier than this crap we are committed to as well as most of the folk there would be cheering us on to get shut of the mad bastard and the lads could have all been home in time for tea and medals by now.
Not that I want to big up Cameron and his bunch of Hooray Henrys either they would no doubt be as bad its easy to talk the talk in opposition but they will do sod all different to the present really apart from feathering different nests as soon as Obama or someone over there shouts shit they will hit the shovels just like this lot did. The upcoming election therefore seems to be heading for a massive apathy test followed by a landslide victory for ?can?t be arsed?
Meanwhile the man in the pub after briefly talking sense is back on the send em all back crusade and Id pull the bloody lever myself. So leaving him at the bar foaming at the mouth I dawdled home to have a skip around on the net but Missus Dwarf was watching something that mostly consisted of screaming and crying it seams Corporation street is now competing with east enders for the most depressing plot lines on TV in an attempt to claw back some ratings still at least it doesn?t have Simon bloody Cowel in it.
I can?t help noticing that my inbox seems to be full of adverts for cheap Viagra, hair loss product, penis enlargement treatment (guaranteed or your money back) & death insurance, is all this connected, I think we should be told
The insurance one is particularly sinister as I would be guaranteed to be accepted if I was over fifty and no salesman will call, should think not as well I?ll have the bloody dog on him although this charming carriage clock could be mine,
FOR THE LAST TIME I?M NOT THAT OLD YOU BASTARDS !
Have to go now the potatoes need straining , pip pip
The papers aren?t exactly full of cheer either, here?s a thought instead of massive cuts in the NHS and other public services, why don?t we just bring our soldiers home, save a fortune and let the unwashed sort things out for themselves I mean no one really agreed to invade Iraq a million + people in fact signed a petition not to do it but Mr sincere Blair and his slack jawed side kick Brown completely ignored the lot of em and went anyway and could someone tell me what we are trying to achieve in Afghanistan and why all we get is the one answer fits all 9/11 , 9/11 what for gods sake I never felt a thing and I?m willing to bet you didn?t either trust me on this nothing we do there will make the slightest difference to us going for a beer at the weekend , the man in the boozer reckons its all because of the great Satan in the west and for once I reckon he?s right I just cant help wondering what?s in it for us ?
And don?t listen to the human rights hand wringing excuse either, if anyone in Westminster really gave a toss about dictators murdering their own people we would have gone into Zimbabwe and Kicked out mad dog Mugabe years ago it would be a lot easier than this crap we are committed to as well as most of the folk there would be cheering us on to get shut of the mad bastard and the lads could have all been home in time for tea and medals by now.
Not that I want to big up Cameron and his bunch of Hooray Henrys either they would no doubt be as bad its easy to talk the talk in opposition but they will do sod all different to the present really apart from feathering different nests as soon as Obama or someone over there shouts shit they will hit the shovels just like this lot did. The upcoming election therefore seems to be heading for a massive apathy test followed by a landslide victory for ?can?t be arsed?
Meanwhile the man in the pub after briefly talking sense is back on the send em all back crusade and Id pull the bloody lever myself. So leaving him at the bar foaming at the mouth I dawdled home to have a skip around on the net but Missus Dwarf was watching something that mostly consisted of screaming and crying it seams Corporation street is now competing with east enders for the most depressing plot lines on TV in an attempt to claw back some ratings still at least it doesn?t have Simon bloody Cowel in it.
I can?t help noticing that my inbox seems to be full of adverts for cheap Viagra, hair loss product, penis enlargement treatment (guaranteed or your money back) & death insurance, is all this connected, I think we should be told
The insurance one is particularly sinister as I would be guaranteed to be accepted if I was over fifty and no salesman will call, should think not as well I?ll have the bloody dog on him although this charming carriage clock could be mine,
FOR THE LAST TIME I?M NOT THAT OLD YOU BASTARDS !
Have to go now the potatoes need straining , pip pip
Tuesday 9 February 2010
????Today found me busy busy busy changing a rear axle on a baby john deere the heaviest, most fingertrappingly most awkward job known to man or dwarf only to find after I finished that the wrong axle had been supplied and it would have to come out again oh joy, I suppose it all brings home time with my aching back and bandaged fingers I really am getting too old for this crap.
On a lighter note the supervisor now reckons he is going to become a washing machine repair man he really does never fail to entertain, he says there?s good money to be made and he?s found a course on the net for a mere 900 quid, watching him cart his gear round on his poncy motorbike should be worth watching but it will probably go the same way as his other money making schemes none of which ever work so we are not holding our breath.
I did point out to him that I didn?t think there was a washer repair man in the village people and he turned quite rude, but considering that he left his girlfriend moved in with another bloke and started doing Freddie Mercury impressions with his leather trousers he shouldn?t be too surprised when the piss gets taken I mean the geezer he?s now living with is a light on his feet vegetarian who is very close to his mum nudge nudge wink wink apparently they spent the weekend putting up flat pack wardrobes and bickering
Anyway the man in the pub says the Welsh sheep shagger sent off on Saturday for tripping our hooker will get away with it as its all a conspiracy , no one likes us we don?t care etc
It does the heart good to see the arrogant bastards beaten I bet that was a happy bus going home I suppose they could always cheer each other up by singing some jolly hyms at each other, there was a pillock on face book last week trying to flog some Tickets for the Wales v Italy game for 80 quid a go saying ?this will be the grand slam game? more like wooden spoon take that gobshite HA HA?????.
On a lighter note the supervisor now reckons he is going to become a washing machine repair man he really does never fail to entertain, he says there?s good money to be made and he?s found a course on the net for a mere 900 quid, watching him cart his gear round on his poncy motorbike should be worth watching but it will probably go the same way as his other money making schemes none of which ever work so we are not holding our breath.
I did point out to him that I didn?t think there was a washer repair man in the village people and he turned quite rude, but considering that he left his girlfriend moved in with another bloke and started doing Freddie Mercury impressions with his leather trousers he shouldn?t be too surprised when the piss gets taken I mean the geezer he?s now living with is a light on his feet vegetarian who is very close to his mum nudge nudge wink wink apparently they spent the weekend putting up flat pack wardrobes and bickering
Anyway the man in the pub says the Welsh sheep shagger sent off on Saturday for tripping our hooker will get away with it as its all a conspiracy , no one likes us we don?t care etc
It does the heart good to see the arrogant bastards beaten I bet that was a happy bus going home I suppose they could always cheer each other up by singing some jolly hyms at each other, there was a pillock on face book last week trying to flog some Tickets for the Wales v Italy game for 80 quid a go saying ?this will be the grand slam game? more like wooden spoon take that gobshite HA HA?????.
Monday 8 February 2010
The week drew to a close with the news that our youngest gnome had found a new job doubles all round as this should ease the strain on our finances, in the long term at least in the short term of course I will have to shell out for his fuel etc for a couple of weeks and the chances of me getting any of that back are slim to zero but then what?s new?
Saturday came with a trip to Seaham in the north east to watch the afore mentioned sprog play rugby in the national vase, Seaham itself is an interesting place (if you like that sort of thing) it used to be a prosperous coal mining town with pits that burrowed out under the north sea Margret Thatcher put a stop to that of course in the 80?s and now most of the inhabitants seem to exist by stealing each others washing and mugging lost tourists from nearby Sunderland, but as always when a Bramley team travels north the opposition seems to be bloody huge being big however is no substitute for being any good, and within the first ten minutes it became obvious that there would only ever be one winner
When this eventually dawned on the opposition they of course reverted to plan b , physical intimidation, we had 3 players with gouged eyes in the space of around 15 mins, then someone hit someone else who then passed it on this became popular the second half continued in a similar fashion until with around 5 minutes to go when with my previously mentioned offspring lining up yet another conversion the mother of all brawls erupted on the halfway line, the referee who by this time resembled a nervous wreck blew the pea out of his whistle, jumped in his car (a Bently no less) and did one at high speed because the ?game? had gone more than 60 mins the result stands apparently, anyway I still cant believe I drove 80 miles to watch that crap but a wins a win I suppose
Sunday was cold and grey like the inside of a ping pong ball and the whole tribe had agreed to go to a charity fun day type thing to raise some cash for a little girl near us who is very ill and needs to go to the US for treatment, and though the day was pleasant enough and ridiculously busy I couldn?t help thinking they would have done better either indoors or in summer anyway I hope they raised a lot and look forward to finding out.
Back to work today I wonder what the week will bring???
Saturday came with a trip to Seaham in the north east to watch the afore mentioned sprog play rugby in the national vase, Seaham itself is an interesting place (if you like that sort of thing) it used to be a prosperous coal mining town with pits that burrowed out under the north sea Margret Thatcher put a stop to that of course in the 80?s and now most of the inhabitants seem to exist by stealing each others washing and mugging lost tourists from nearby Sunderland, but as always when a Bramley team travels north the opposition seems to be bloody huge being big however is no substitute for being any good, and within the first ten minutes it became obvious that there would only ever be one winner
When this eventually dawned on the opposition they of course reverted to plan b , physical intimidation, we had 3 players with gouged eyes in the space of around 15 mins, then someone hit someone else who then passed it on this became popular the second half continued in a similar fashion until with around 5 minutes to go when with my previously mentioned offspring lining up yet another conversion the mother of all brawls erupted on the halfway line, the referee who by this time resembled a nervous wreck blew the pea out of his whistle, jumped in his car (a Bently no less) and did one at high speed because the ?game? had gone more than 60 mins the result stands apparently, anyway I still cant believe I drove 80 miles to watch that crap but a wins a win I suppose
Sunday was cold and grey like the inside of a ping pong ball and the whole tribe had agreed to go to a charity fun day type thing to raise some cash for a little girl near us who is very ill and needs to go to the US for treatment, and though the day was pleasant enough and ridiculously busy I couldn?t help thinking they would have done better either indoors or in summer anyway I hope they raised a lot and look forward to finding out.
Back to work today I wonder what the week will bring???
Tuesday 2 February 2010
.....................
Returning to work yesterday I discovered the supervisor has decided to get a new motor bike strange really as I never had him down as homosexual, still if he wants to get dressed up as Freddie Mercury I suppose that?s his affair I keep getting a mental picture of him mincing around the pinker parts of town, I could never take him seriously to begin with he has no chance now.
I see Andy Murray is no longer British and has gone back to being Scottish after the weekends Heroic failure still at least he tried, coming in second heroically is getting to be one of our habits as a nation its what comes of being brought up on a diet of Coronation street drizzle and beef burgers
The only other notable today was the arrival of our gas bill Jesus Christ how do they work it out? by chucking darts perhaps.
The man in the pub reckons that Wayne Bridge tried to patch things up with his girlfriend with a box of milk tray apparently she prefers Terrys and Andrew ?Manuel? Sachs left Jonathon Woss an answering machine message saying ?Ha Ha I f*cked your career, Have to go now see yawllllll
I see Andy Murray is no longer British and has gone back to being Scottish after the weekends Heroic failure still at least he tried, coming in second heroically is getting to be one of our habits as a nation its what comes of being brought up on a diet of Coronation street drizzle and beef burgers
The only other notable today was the arrival of our gas bill Jesus Christ how do they work it out? by chucking darts perhaps.
The man in the pub reckons that Wayne Bridge tried to patch things up with his girlfriend with a box of milk tray apparently she prefers Terrys and Andrew ?Manuel? Sachs left Jonathon Woss an answering machine message saying ?Ha Ha I f*cked your career, Have to go now see yawllllll
Sunday 31 January 2010
continued
????.Saturday dawned full of promise with a clear blue sky so it was obviously going to fuck up this it did with frozen grounds and numbing winds forcing us back in doors , well when I say indoors I mean the boozer ? the man in the pub? reckons its all a conspiracy and the pitch was really playable but our opposition were short of players and using any excuse to cancel.
The evening saw us at a birthday tea that sort of spread into the early hours when the beer ran out just as well really as the conversation, well gibberish was getting bloody silly and the bullshit needle was past the critical mark and we had started inventing the usual after midnight food menu?s meat pie floaters etc although the cheese cake it has to be said was pretty good after blagging a lift back to the ?cave? we eventually got to sleep around 0330 .
Sunday morning night mare followed the Saturday night fever and the day was spent in a blur of cocodamol and comfort food it almost makes me look forward to crawling back to the coalface tomorrow and looking at the week through the wrong end of the binoculars
The evening saw us at a birthday tea that sort of spread into the early hours when the beer ran out just as well really as the conversation, well gibberish was getting bloody silly and the bullshit needle was past the critical mark and we had started inventing the usual after midnight food menu?s meat pie floaters etc although the cheese cake it has to be said was pretty good after blagging a lift back to the ?cave? we eventually got to sleep around 0330 .
Sunday morning night mare followed the Saturday night fever and the day was spent in a blur of cocodamol and comfort food it almost makes me look forward to crawling back to the coalface tomorrow and looking at the week through the wrong end of the binoculars
in the beginning
So how to start ? don?t really know where to begin with this as its not something I?ve done before, and considering that I get most of my info from tabloid news papers and ? the man in the pub? I would hate anyone to take it too seriously I live in a strange sort of world part of it real but mostly bouncing around inside my own head, maybe its vanity but I feel compelled sometimes to comment on the stuff happening around me whether I know anything about it or not, often I can keep it to myself but usually I blurt it out without thinking, funny for everyone else but sometimes pretty embarrassing for me.
I seem to live from one weekend to another with the bit in between, i.e. work stuffed out of the way (wherever possible) in the middle.
This weekend for instance was a pretty ordinary one starting on Friday night with the local boozer having pretentions of turning itself into a gastro pub (broken leg of lamb, sorted mushrooms etc) so me and Mrs. Dwarf decided against all common sense to ?give it a go? but trying to eat mushrooms stuffed with goats cheese and pan roasted chicken with crushed peas and bread sauce while the bloke at the next table is rolling around blind drunk and shouting the air blue at the game on the big screen at the other end of the pub is a little distracting needless to say there was some unpleasantness and we had best give it a couple of weeks before we go back???..
I seem to live from one weekend to another with the bit in between, i.e. work stuffed out of the way (wherever possible) in the middle.
This weekend for instance was a pretty ordinary one starting on Friday night with the local boozer having pretentions of turning itself into a gastro pub (broken leg of lamb, sorted mushrooms etc) so me and Mrs. Dwarf decided against all common sense to ?give it a go? but trying to eat mushrooms stuffed with goats cheese and pan roasted chicken with crushed peas and bread sauce while the bloke at the next table is rolling around blind drunk and shouting the air blue at the game on the big screen at the other end of the pub is a little distracting needless to say there was some unpleasantness and we had best give it a couple of weeks before we go back???..
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