Friday eventually crawled round and we stayed in waiting for the satellite TV bloke to call around all we got was a txt telling us he couldn’t make it and would call tomorrow to tell the truth our hopes weren’t high after he messed us around last time so we wont hold our breath for tomorrow, and sure enough stayed in Saturday and no TV man have the feeling we’ve been stitched up like a kipper with this bloke, I suppose we’ll have to do this the legal/expensive way :O) stayed in to watch the six nations game’s Scotland got beat but the one we were particularly despondent about was the England farce, beaten by the Irish AGAIN but never mind a party at one of the neighbors promised to lighten the mood and from what I remember It was a fine old time Apparently I started getting obnoxious around midnight after polishing off the vodka and was getting well and truly stuck into the pear cider when Missus Dwarfe decided enough was enough and bundled me back around to our house sent me to bed and disappeared back to the party, ah what it must be to be popular.
Sunday saw me off across town to see my Dad getting a bit worried about him to tell the truth his blood sugar keeps going through the roof and he’s well into his eighty’s so it cant mean anything good but he seems happy and active enough so keeping the fingers crossed.
After lunch we had yet another party to go to but to be honest by this time I had had about enough alcohol for the week and pleasant though it was we left early and were home for six and an early night .
5 am Monday morning it’s the wife’s turn to get the boy up and as I lay there in a warm semi conscious state I was dimly aware of movement downstairs and was just dropping off back to sleep for an hour when I heard the door crash open again, the nut case had come back and that could mean a few things none of them good, “is dad awake”? I was then alright, what now thought I turns out the fool had put petrol in my car that he is borrowing while his is repaired it should however have been diesel
So the week was off to a flier, after sorting that out and getting him on his way, with eyes like a teddy bear I got to work not really in the mood for the usual Monday crap that was sure to hit the fan as usual managed to sidestep most of it and was off up the road at home time like a rat up a drainpipe when I got there however I soon wished I hadn’t been in such a rush. Mrs Dwarfe had agreed against all common sense to hold a tea party for one of her sisters mother in laws (so it would be a surprise) and as I came in salivating for my dinner I was greeted with her feverishly cooking party food and shouting at me to go sit down and touch nothing the young un was sat there in the best room as well with a face like a slapped arse, they’re all coming dad he said ALL of em ! pausing to let this sink in he continued even aunty A***la .
Its not often “her we don’t mention” comes around here, come to think of it it’s not often she seems to go anywhere, so I thought I’d best find out, er about you’re A***la I started to say but was met with a look that would have stripped paint followed by What about her? Still not reading the signs I thought I’d lighten the mood “don’t let her have anything sharp” will you I quipped “ best just stick to soup” I continued before the wrath of hell was unleashed upon my mortal being .
Slinking away muttering I thought this is going to be wonderful must try behave, must try behave, must try behave just as the door opened , and they all arrived together my young un saw his chance to drop me in it and picked his moment perfectly, (I really couldn’t) have don’t it better myself) “Dad says he shouted She’s not to have owt Sharp or hot and not to lick the windows cos they’ve just been cleaned” and then flew up stairs wetting himself.
To be fair She took it in fun, no one else did though so the rest of the evening could have been more comfortable……………..better go now the kids need dropping off at the pool